How to ask a girl out on Hinge
learn to Craft emotional connection & asking becomes easy
I arrange 1 - 3 dates a week through Hinge here in Stockholm where I live.
I find making the ask is the easiest part, but it’s how you get there in a natural way that takes a little effort.
It comes down to how well you’ve learned to build that emotional connection.
“Women are deeply attracted to men who have high enough self esteem to select wisely and not be pushed into corners by a women simply because he is attracted to her.”
Because when a strong intrigue has been built, she’ll want you to ask her out [in whatever way you prefer]
So what we are going to focus on here is the roadmap to building that deep emotional connection on dating apps like Hinge.
Key takeaways
Learn to become a charismatic texter to be able to chat with confidence, integrity and charisma [we’ll break this down in a sec]
Transition between topics thoughtfully and effortlessly to keep her stimulated and interested [flow like water & never force the convo]
Learn how to tell stories [around you] to build emotional connection and attraction
Anticipate & time your openers when you’ll think she’s most like to be able to engage fully in the convo.
Ask her out in a way that feels light-hearted with minimal commitment
Make sure to get her number or socials, dates solely arranged inside Hinge are more likely to be cancelled.
STEP ONE: Building momentum w. girls in the hinge chat
When communicating IRL, words are very secondary to body language and tone of voice. Your aura and vibe is 80%.
But on Hinge, words are all you’ve got. Some people have cracked this code and can create the same type of intrigue as in real conversation [almost].
There are 4 key ingredients to becoming an incredible texter. These are:
Charisma
Playfulness / Humour
Adaptability
Integrity & Confidence
Being charismatic in text
Being charismatic in text is all about being proud of your values, activities and life in general.
My definition of Charisma: You’ll happily share details about your day. You can share your stories in a way that feels refreshing, through the use of words that are true to you.
Not the generic boring, following-the-pack type of stuff.
Always stand up for yourself and openly share stories about your life. Be playful with words and find your own way of communicating.
I (Marcus) am in the “top picks” on Tinder and “Standouts” on Hinge so I not only get lot of matches, I effectively turn these into dates repeatedly. Learn how I do it.
Humour: for trust & attractiveness
Humor: Can be tough just because it’s such a subjective thing, and you don’t know her yet. But being playful in a moderate way is always a good idea. You can ask “serious questions” but do it playfully.
I’d say avoid being ironic since it’s hard to read in text, but always throw in a bit of flair. It really lightens up the convo and makes it’s stimulating talking to you.
Adaptability: Flow like water
My definition of Adaptability: Being able to be able to talk about anything. You can turn the most boring topic, into something fun & exciting. You flow like water through convos [with ease] and chatting with you is a smooth experience.
Problem: Women aren’t always creating the best circumstances for a great chat. Especially the 10s hardly ever have to take intiative & responsibility for the chat to live.
I make super generic questions such as “how are you” a challenge, and always try to turn them into something fun and intriguing.
If you have enough integrity & confidence, you can seriously “raise the bar” in terms of what types of questions you can ask, and what types of compliments you can give. If a compliment feels forced in any way or out of context, it may land poorly. But if you say it with confidence and integrity, it hardly ever lands wrong.
Integrity: Women love unavailable men
You want to bring good vibes, but you never want to overwhelm her with compliments. Attraction is a bit of a push/pull type of thing. I talk about this in Effortless Attraction, how both security and tension are equally as important.
You want to acknowledge her, and you want her to feel safe around you, like she can truly be herself. But you also want to maintain your integrity, radiate that even though you like her company, you don’t need her company.
You don’t need her to validate your decisions or values. You are independent and have integrit. You decide to spend your time with her, even though you could be spending it with someone else.
Accomplishing this will make her feel special and you’ll be on repeat in her mind.
STEP TWO: deepen the emotional Connection through storytelling
Next up, once you have all the ingredients in place, it’s time to build stories that reflect your attractive traits.
Understand that every story you tell will reveal traits about you, and so you want to be in control of this.
Learn the top 10 most attractive traits
have a few go-to Stories
I often tell a story about when I drove to Italy from Sweden to pick up my sister, who had gotten in trouble. I then drove her back to Sweden.
It’s just a story but it signals caring, boldness and dedication, traits that are highly attractive.
Women ultimately want to know if you will be able to protect her. That you are a good candidate
But honestly, you also have the opportunity to make up stories about you in each conversation, I’m not saying you should be dishonest, but just know you can always add some spice in your storytelling to make it more compelling.
Storytelling is an art on itself but the first step is acknowledging the power of it, and how it can make people interested in you.
STEP THREE: LOOK FOR the SIGNS
Most of the time, it’s very clear if she’s interested or not. But if this is something you struggle with, the things you want to look for are the following:
She is responding quickly [can still be interested even if she doesn’t]
She uses exclamation marks and emojis
She starts mirroring your wording or repeating the stuff you are saying.
She gives you compliments or are generally positive
There are no hard and fast rules for determining interest, and it's important to gauge the conversation and context.
Even if you don’t see any of these I encourage you to be bold and make the ask. It’s of course great if you can make the transition into the ask smoothly.
STEP four: ASK HER OUT
The moment of truth
Alright. It’s time to actually ask her out. You probably googled this to figure out if there was one good way to do it. But the truth is, all ways are great if you have nailed step 1-3.
You can ask her straight: “How about getting a glass next wednesday?”. If connection has been built and you’ve intrigued her, she will say yes.
A few unwritten rules
Keep date one casual i.e. grab a beer or have a picknick etc [minimal commitment]
Be specific. Never say “grab a glass someday”. Propose a day, and possible some more details.
Make sure to get her number, and text her with time & place the day before the date.
Summary
How do you ask a girl out on Hinge?
To ask a girl out on Hinge, build a strong emotional connection through charismatic, playful, and confident messaging. Use engaging stories to showcase your personality and look for signs of interest, such as quick responses and positive feedback. When asking her out, keep it casual and specific, suggesting a low-commitment activity like grabbing a drink on a set date and time.
What others are saying:
Avoiding common mistakes such as boring her, insulting her or scaring her in conversation. Pull off a unique opener to spark interest [most people fail to give great examples here, however].
